Temporarily living back with my parents, I was walking around the perimeter of their cul-de-sac. Rural cul-de-sacs are not like urban ones; they are surrounded not by other streets and houses but by fields and long-distance A-roads. A madwoman had started trespassing in my parents’ garden. She shouted at me as I walked past, wanting me to entertain her with my company, and getting aggressive when I didn’t stop to talk.
Later that week, she stole one of my Mum’s fabric aprons from the kitchen and disappeared it into the garden. When Mum demanded it back, the madwoman returned it sure enough, rolled up into a tight ball. Our two cats, one black-and-white and one tabby, were investigating the scene, the fur on their backs twitching with displeasure.
We unrolled the apron with a sense of dread, which turned out to be well-founded as the bundle contained a large quantity of the woman’s own semi-liquid shit. I don’t often have lucid dreams where I can control the outcome, but on this occasion my subconscious intervened and said that’s just too disgusting. At least make it solid. So I viewed the exact same scene again, this time with firmer stools in the apron, which may have been slight consolation to my Dad who had to dispose of them.